Helping the good people of France
German interior expansion minister Horst Schnellpanzer announced this morning that high government officials had crafted a plan to restore order to their beleaguered western neighbor. France has entered its second week of urban riots, its top leaders scrambling to capitulate as civil unrest spread from a northern Parisian ghetto across the entire cheese-loving nation.
“France is a great nation,” Herr Schnellpanzer declared, “They have good wine, licentious women, and a towering mass of inexpensive, accessible iron. It is a great place to make your holidays.”
The riots began after several North African teenagers, fleeing from the police, launched a suicide attack on French power lines in an apparent attempt to disrupt power and thus precipitate the downfall of western civilization. Neighbors and relatives were outraged by the youths’ deaths, claiming that the wasted martyrdom did not kill any Jews or Crusaders and would therefore not merit more than forty seven virgins in paradise. They decided to take action, hoping that their car-burning and trolley-torching merits could be applied to their dearly departed loved ones through the Communion of the Terrorists. Other immigrants throughout France, confounded by the fact that the French only wanted them and their children to sweep floors and clean dishes, decided to join in the fun. French president Jacques Chirac immediately called upon British and American to come to France’s aid. Bush and Blair declined, citing that Chirac had been a “bloody bastard” during the 2003 invasion of Iraq.
"Not to worry" declares Schnellpanzer. "Germany will soon control ...ich mein... help France control the problem with Blitzspeed."
“France is a great nation,” Herr Schnellpanzer declared, “They have good wine, licentious women, and a towering mass of inexpensive, accessible iron. It is a great place to make your holidays.”
The riots began after several North African teenagers, fleeing from the police, launched a suicide attack on French power lines in an apparent attempt to disrupt power and thus precipitate the downfall of western civilization. Neighbors and relatives were outraged by the youths’ deaths, claiming that the wasted martyrdom did not kill any Jews or Crusaders and would therefore not merit more than forty seven virgins in paradise. They decided to take action, hoping that their car-burning and trolley-torching merits could be applied to their dearly departed loved ones through the Communion of the Terrorists. Other immigrants throughout France, confounded by the fact that the French only wanted them and their children to sweep floors and clean dishes, decided to join in the fun. French president Jacques Chirac immediately called upon British and American to come to France’s aid. Bush and Blair declined, citing that Chirac had been a “bloody bastard” during the 2003 invasion of Iraq.
"Not to worry" declares Schnellpanzer. "Germany will soon control ...ich mein... help France control the problem with Blitzspeed."
posted by Ryan | 3:24 pm
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