SCOTUS WARS: Episode II – The Phantom Nominee
Narrator: Not very long ago, in a galaxy called the beltway. SCOTUS WARS: Episode II – The Phantom Nominee. For a dozen generations, the Originalist Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Republic – before the dark times. Before the rise of…the
Sen. Unpalatable: [waves hand] McSolo, you will support the filibuster deal.
John McSolo: I will support the filibuster deal…
Teddy the Kennedy: Hey, ahh…McSolo! You still ah…owe me ahhhh…5,000 martinis!
John McSolo: But we passed martini-financing reform.
Teddy the Kennedy: Dammit ahhh… McSolo, you get those martinis to me or else I’ll ahhhh… I’ll have Princess Bader Ginsburg cast into the
Princess Bader Ginsburg: Oh no! Someone save me!
Bubba Fat: Hey Baby. I’ll save you. Come over here. Say, what are you doing next Friday? Ever seen a light saber? I’ve got a little Wookie for you. Come on!
Sen. Unpalatable: [Slap!]
Narrator: Distracted by the search for the menacing Bin Dooku and the unilateral war of the allies in Alderaaq, George Sky-Spender faces the biggest challenge of his galactic presidency, the second appointment to the Supreme Council. Will George Sky-Spender remain true to the Originalist Knights, or will he go over to the country-club dark side?
Darth Bushuru: I am your father.
George Sky-Spender: No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!
Darth Bushuru: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
George Sky-Spender: You’re not my father! I’ll never raise taxes!
Darth Bushuru: You underestimate the power of the country club. If you will not fight, then you will meet your destiny. You will appoint another Souter!
George Sky-Spender: Your thoughts betray you, father. I feel the good in you...the conflict… you appointed Clarence Thomdu!
Darth Bushuru: Obi-Cheney has taught you well. Give yourself to the country club. It is the only way you can save your…galactic presidency.
Narrator: Watch, as C86’d’04 and RUQT2 aimlessly wander the Senate halls.
C86’d’04: Sir, it's quite possible this party is not entirely stable.
RUQT2: Beep, pop, click.
C86’d’04: Sir, I actually did vote to confirm, before I voted against it! Oh! Sometimes I just don't understand human behaviour.
Narrator: Experience the frustration as Ar Ar Blinks chairs the galactic judiciary committee.
Ar Ar Blinks: Meesa Ar Ar Blinks. Meesa your humble RINO!
Narrator: Be there, as Ron’sgone Jinn advises George Sky-Spender from beyond the grave.
George Sky-Spender: Oh mighty Ron’sgone, what should I do?
Ron’sgone Jinn: Well, appoint an Originalist Knight like Antonin Yodlia or Clarence Thomdu.
George Sky-Spender: But Harriet Mired might turn out to be like them!
Ron’sgone Jinn: Well, ever heard of Earl Warren? A great Originalist Knight until he was, well, seduced by the Sith. Biggest damn fool mistake…
Antonin Yodlia: Your nominee well know you must, young Sky-Spender, or else liberal appoint you may.
Narrator: Will the phantom nominee remain true to the Originalist Knights, or is she a Sith lord in disguise? Will Senator Unpalpable take over and destroy the Republic with her sinister Entitlement Star? Don’t miss the biggest motion picture event since Starr’s War: Episode I – The Female Menace.